i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
