I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
