dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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