Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
