# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
