It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
