so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Still dying that you shit outside
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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