I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
