My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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