Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
