when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
