Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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