Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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