its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize