Pappa wants mamma naked
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize