First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize