Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
