You really coming over, don't trick.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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