are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
