You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
