you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
