I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
