those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
