im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
