ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
