Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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