NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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