UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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