Tell her she can't have a vagina
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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