A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
