saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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