ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
