yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
