And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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