Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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