He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
