Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
