whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
