a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
