I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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