it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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