he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
