i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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