she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Randomize
