I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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