Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
