Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
