Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
