perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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