You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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