found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
