im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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