Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
