she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
