Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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