See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
