Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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