If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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