Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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