I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
