We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
