We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize