Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
