3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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