WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
